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Regrets

February 9, 2010

Bobby hurt me. It’s not the same as before but my heart is broken, a little.

We talked today. He is genuinely sorry he hurt me. That doesn’t make it any easier.

What does make it easier? Knowing that this is a natural part of life. People meet, they start dating, sometimes things work out, sometimes they don’t. The fact that they didn’t work out this time doesn’t mean that either of us is undesirable or unworthy of love. (Although right now, because it still hurts I would just like to say I think it means he cannot recognise a good thing when it’s staring him in the face.) It doesn’t mean that either of us are bad people. (Although, really to break my heart, my sweet innocent little heart, what kind of monster do you have to be? Wait, sorry, back to the positive.) It just means that there is no future for us.

One of the things that scared me the most about getting involved with Bobby was the fear of getting hurt again. But I decided that I had to try. I had to look at the situation and decide which decision I would regret, giving us a chance and opening myself up to being hurt or walking away and always wondering what might have been. In the end I decided walking away would be the regret. The natural choice was opening my heart. So I cannot bring myself to regret that decision.

There are some who have suggested I not write about this here, where my ex can read it. But I don’t think what happened is anything to hide.Yes, I got dumped. Yes, I got hurt. But you know what else? I had fun. We made some memories that I will always treasure.

This life, this crazy life with it’s ups and down. Despite the fact that right now is a down, despite the fact that right now my heart is crying, despite all that, I love my life today and wouldn’t trade a moment of it. How can you regret that?

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2 comments

  1. I agree – regret sucks. And wondering “what if” your whole life is no way to live. While I’m very sorry you got hurt again, I think it’s very brave of you to put yourself out there.


  2. I’m sorry you got hurt, but I admire your attitude.



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