Archive for September, 2008

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She’s smarter than me?

September 29, 2008

Last night after the kids returned home from a weekend visit with their dad and new wife they were all sitting at the bar in the kitchen.  And my baby girl says to me, “New wife is smarter than you.”  To which I smile and say, “why do you say that?”  You see comments like this have ceased to bother me.  New wife spends a lot of time trying to convince my kids she is “more” than me. Skinner than me, better cook than me, better at getting stains out of clothes, better job than me, college is better than mine.  After awhile you just smile and wonder why she says all of this to the kids.

My daughters response to the smart question?  Apparently new wife finished college, a feat I have yet to match.  I didn’t flunk out of college, I was on the dean’s list when I dropped out.  The short version is I met ex the summer after my sophomore year, and I never went back.  This is probably the only quantitative argument new wife can win.  She’s got me here, I never finished college.

But is she smarter than me?  This is something my ex used to argue with me all the time.  He thought he was smarter than me.  But really how do you measure this?  What makes a person smarter than another.  Does having a college education really mean you should be promoted before a guy who has longer on the job?  Does the fact that new wife works full time and I work part time highlight a disparity in our intelligence?  Can being intelligent make up what you lack in character?

One thing I can say.  One of us is married to a liar and a cheater.  Who would you say is the smarter one?

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Goodnight moon

September 29, 2008

My first week at the lake I would go down and sit on the shore at night.  Sometimes I would write, other times I would sit and look up at the moon.  It was a full moon much of the week and was beautiful at night.  It would reflect on the water, the reflection reaching almost to my feet at the waters edge.

I wish I could capture the beauty for you.  With the full moon I could see clear across the lake to Vermont where the Green Mountains reach up to the sky. 

This is the same view at dusk. 

When I arrived at the lake in July I was a ball of emotions.  Since the divorce I had been angry, bitter, resentful.  And the truth was it was eating me up inside.  It was hard to concentrate on the positives in my life.  Just before I went to the lake in August I went out with a friend a couple of times.  His summation of the situation, I wasn’t over my ex.  And not in the sense that I wanted ex back, just that I was still holding on to the anger.

When I got back to the lake in August, when I could sit on the beach and look out at the vastness of the lake under the full moon my problems felt small.  There is something peaceful about a summer sky and I desperately wanted that peace in my life.  But to get there I had to give up my anger, my sense of being a victim.  Admitting to myself that I was still angry was hard.  I did a lot of yelling at the sky.  I do believe there is a God up there and I do believe he was listening.  And admitting I was still angry went a long way to helping me let go of it.

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Road trip

September 28, 2008

This weekend I have been staying at a hotel.  Do you know what I love most about this hotel?  ESPN.   The thing is we don’t have cable at home, we cannot get it at our house.  I considered getting a dish but the truth of the matter is we don’t watch much TV.  But I miss ESPN especially at playoff season.

Today as I was on the elliptical machine in the hotel “exercise room” I watched Baseball Tonight with a great piece about the Devil Rays. Stop I know they dropped the Devil, we have been over this.  About how they have won as many games this year as they lost last year.  About how great their pitching staff has been this year.  Oh and how they beat Rivera.  And this is the first time in 10 years anyone beside the Yankees or the Red Sox have won the AL East.

Love North Carolina.  Love Homewood Suites.  Love ESPN.  Love the Red Sox.

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It’s back

September 26, 2008

Reality.  It’s so much more interesting than living happily ever after. 

I love Grey’s Anatomy.  I love it.  The writing is fantastic, the acting is phenomenal, the casting is spot on and the stories touch your heart.  It is a chick show, I watch it for the romance.  I won’t lie to you.  But I love this show.

All through the season premiere tonight the main character is trying to decide whether or not to move in with the love of her life.  She is afraid of the future, afraid to be happy.  She is afraid to let herself be happy, she is worried what will happen in 40 years, she wants some assurance they will still be happy then.

I understand.  One of the hardest parts of divorce is a fear of the future.  All those plans you were making together, they are gone.  My marriage was not a fairy tale, it wasn’t my happily ever after.  But getting out was still scary.

For me, the truth is, reality is so much better.  I don’t know what the future will bring.  But I love the possibilities.  The reality is my divorce gave me my life back.  I’m happy again.  I’m smiling again.  I’m doing things I never thought I would. 

If I hadn’t gotten divorced I never would have gone to the family meeting over July 4th.  I wouldn’t have enjoyed my brother’s wedding (being in a bad marriage tends to ruin those moments).  I wouldn’t have gone out and made a mess of things with Adam.  I wouldn’t go dancing until all hours of the morning.  I wouldn’t have gotten to know so many of the people I now call friends.  And I never would have had the best sex of my life.

The truth is I had to go through the pain of divorce to fully appreciate the joy that is my life.

Yes, those Grey’s writers have it right.  Reality.  It’s so much more interesting than living happily ever after.

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Lightening struck twice

September 24, 2008

Have I told you about my wild mad crush on my favorite blogger?  About a year ago I stumbled across this blog in my trip through the blogger world.  I do not have cable and so it’s hard to keep up with the goings on of my first love – Red Sox baseball.  I have been addicted to this blog.  Whenever something important was happening with my boys I usually read it first on his blog.  He keeps track of all the things I don’t have time for.  And I get it all in my daily dose of Red Sox blogging.

To me there is something sexy about a boy who knows his Red Sox.  And so I have a crush on Jere, sight unseen – while he puts up a lot of pictures of his outings at Fenway, he is never in the shots.  Now Jere is a very active blogger, so everyday I get the opportunity to stop by his blog and read up on his latest gem of knowledge. 

I have a friend who I am constantly quoting these facts to.  When she askes how I know, I simply reply “Jere told me” and we laugh.  So last week after the random visit to this blog by a fireman my friend decides it would be funny to comment as Jere.  Unfortunately for her I know immediately it’s her – love wordpress features. 

The next day however I’m not laughing when I get a comment from THE Jere.  He has found my blog by random and wondering how he possibly could be commenting on my blog.  So now I’m faced with two options.  Ignore the fact that my dream boy has just commented on my blog or fess up that I am a huge fan.  I decide that it’s fess up time and he takes it all in good humor.  And it turns out that the firehouse is in his old neighborhood in Manhattan. 

First the fireman found my blog.  Then Jere found my blog.  Just a word of warning, sometimes you aren’t always as anonymous as you think.

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I won’t survive without it

September 22, 2008

This summer my cousin Peter and I coordinated schedules so that our vacations would overlap at the lake.  Unfortunately his brother got sick and he had to cancel his trip at the last minute.  Now the thing is Peter lives in England, so scheduling a trip to the lake is no small thing for him.  It was already late in the summer and he wasn’t able to reschedule.

Then on Friday my phone rings.  “Hello Elisabeth, this is Peter.”  Peter, who?  “Your cousin… from England.”  Although we communicate weekly through e-mail he hasn’t actually called me for several years.  And after getting over my initial shock I got around to finding out why he was calling.  My cousins and I have been doing a lot of planning for Octoberfest on facebook and Peter has been reading with despair.  He has been looking into it flights and has decided he is coming over for the weekend.  He was going to just surprise me but he didn’t want to fly all this way and me not be there.

As excited as this makes me, I’m not sure that flying all that way just for the weekend is worth it.  And then he says, “I have been reading your blog (not this one) and you’re right.  Being at the lake restores your soul.  And I am not going to make it through the winter without getting over there.”  He had a hard summer, his family has some pretty big issues right now.  And if anyone understands the need to escape to the lake it’s me.

You can tell anytime a cousin is at the lake, it’s kind of an unwritten code that it must be your facebook status.  All summer Peter watched with frustration as they held talk of fishing, swimming, hiking, cookouts and picnics.  And then the pictures would show up.  I understand his frustration, I have already been to the lake twice this year and I still hate seeing the pictures of my cousin skeet shooting in the pasture.  Or word that another cousin arrived the day after I left.

Do you have that place?  The place you go when you need an escape?  We are going to cram as much as we can into the two and half days he will have at the lake.  My great escape, it won’t be exactly as I first planned it but it’s still going be great.  And who knows what other surprises the weekend will have in store for me.

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Friday Night Lights

September 20, 2008

Last night I went with my Editor and her husband, Gerthron – God of Thunder (this is what you get when you let a guy choose his own alias), to a high school football game.  The atmosphere at high school football games hasn’t changed since I was in school.  Although each year the high school kids seem to get younger.  We threaded our way through the students and make our way to the stands.  The game was supposed to be a very good match-up, it turned out to be a blow out for the other school.  Now I do not love football as much as I love baseball but I still love to watch the game.  And I love to watch kids play the game.

After the game we stopped at our local sports bar.  We sat at the bar watching Baseball Tonight and cheered the Red Sox win.  Stinking Devil Rays won too, still 1.5 games back.  Yes I did call them the Devil Rays, guy on the barstool beside me, I know they dropped the Devil.  But they are on top of my Red Sox.  I can call them anything I please.

So the three of us are sitting at the bar, telling stories and laughing.  Wait, I should tell you I started with a cocktail because frankly I am pretty much a cocktail kind of girl.  But when my drink was empty I ordered a Miller Lite, it was on tap and I am actually developing a taste for beer.  So I was almost done with my beer, deciding I really needed to switch to water because I am a drinking lightweight.

And then it happened.  Another beer was set down in front of me, I looked at the bartender with surprise.  She says, “from (guy) down around the corner of the bar.”  Now internet this is a first for me, no guy in a bar has ever bought me a drink.  I was only 20 when I got married and going out single is a new thing for me.  And a guy bought me a beer!  It was like the icing on the cake to a very memorable week.

High school football and a free beer.  Life is good.