Archive for October, 2008

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Vote: However you like

October 29, 2008

This is great!

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A little help please

October 28, 2008

I have these friends E & F.  A few years ago E left F for another man.  I have remained friends with both of them.  In our small town it’s hard not to run into people and this is the second year our children have had the same teacher. 

A few weeks ago a friend of mine asked if she could set me up with a single father she knew.  I told her I wasn’t dating but she started talking about him anyway.  Eventually I was like, “are you talking about F?  I am friends with both of them and that would make things pretty complicated.”  And I let the subject drop.  I mentioned it to E and she said “oh, yes, you and F should go out.”  I laughed it off but I’m pretty sure she was serious.

Anyway, I had run into F at a social event a week or two before that.  I had been at my father’s side, shaking hands, meeting people, etc.  When I ran into F, I took the opportunity to stand and talk with him and the friends he was with, to get a breather for a minute.  We had fun talking and the conversation progressed to the “we should get together sometime” phase but thankfully one of my father’s handlers snagged me before it got much further. 

Fast forward to last Wednesday.  My cell phone rang while I was at a meeting.  It was a number I didn’t recognise, so I stepped out and answered it.  It was F, he was asking me a question about the school event on Thursday night.  I didn’t know the answer, so I told him I’d call him later.  I did and we talked for at least 20 minutes, again it was a fun, easy conversation.

Then at the event on Thursday I saw him several times, from across a crowded room, we never did get to talk.  But I did run into the friend who had wanted to set us up.  She said, “hey, F called me for your number.  I asked him if he had finally worked up the courage to ask you out, he said he just had a class question.”  Alright, F called my friend to get my phone number to ask me a question about the school event that my friend could easily have answered?  Interesting.

So this leads to my question.  What would you think about me dating F?  I was friends with both of them, which may make things awkward.  E left F and she is very happy with her new guy (who accompained her to said school event.)  I don’t know.  Maybe I’m worried over nothing because unless he asks me out, I have no intention of pursuing things myself.  However in the conversation it came up that we were both without children Halloween weekend.  So tell me your thoughts.  Please…

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Learning to dance

October 25, 2008

When you have been married for more than 10 years and suddenly find yourself single you have to learn things all over again.  Or in some cases, learn new things.  I got married and had a child before I turned 21.  I never went out dancing, sat at a bar, flirted with random guys.  When I found myself single again, with every other weekend free, I have discovered one of the things I enjoy is going out dancing.  But it is an art, there is so much to learn.

I love dancing, always have.  It started with middle school dances where the boys all stood along the wall while the girls danced in groups with their girlfriends.  By high school I was dancing with boys.  Fast forward 15 years and this is not High School Prom.  Although at the beginning of the night the guys are standing along the edges of the dance floor watching the girls dance in groups with their friends.

For some of you this may come as second nature.  For me it was a myriad of new experiences.  Everything from ordering a drink, making eye contact with the cute guy on the other side of the dance floor, even walking through the crowd.  The first time I tried it I was looking for wide open spaces, now I just plow right through, not caring what brushes where.

I have a girlfriend who can start dancing the moment we arrive and stay out there the entire time, no matter what’s playing.  For me it takes time to warm up and a good DJ/ band.  Because lets face it, good music can make or break the dancing experience.  I have learned the Cupid Shuffle, the Cha Cha slide and more RAP songs then I ever thought I would.  As a general rule the music we dance to is not stuff that would typically make it onto my iPod.  Umm… just for the record I thought a “shorty” was a kid?  So now it’s your girl?  Crap, I’m so old.

Eventually I am out on the dance floor.  I love dancing with friends and their friends.  And I love dancing with boys, as long as they keep their hands on my hips and off my ass.  Last night I ran into several guys from my gym, they may be way too young for me but they were lots of fun to dance with. Eventually the dreaded last call comes.  Only once have I actually given out my number, these days I’m sticking to – “I’ll see you next time.”  Because the reality is Mr. Right is probably not out there on the dance floor and all I really need is Mr. Right Now.

With everything I’m learning as a single girl again, one of my favorites has been learning to dance. To the left, to the left…

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I’m sorry to hear that

October 23, 2008

Don’t be.  I’m not. It’s for the best.

The most common reaction when I tell people I’m divorced is for people to tell me they are sorry.  And my most common response is “Don’t be, it’s for the best.”  And then they look at you like, how can being a single mother be for the best?  How can a dissolution of marriage be for the best?

I got married almost 12 years ago.  The first time ex cheated on me was 9 months into the marriage.  I was flying home to see my parents.  He took me to the airport, dropped me off at departures, drove around and picked up his ex-girlfriend who was flying in to visit.  I didn’t find out until about a year later but I stayed.

Looking back I have asked myself so many times why I stayed.  When I would wake up in the middle of the night and he was gone.  I still stayed.  When I knew he was having his girlfriend over while I was at work.  I still stayed.  When he got another woman pregnant.  I still stayed. 

I stayed much longer than I should have.  There are reasons, excuses really, things I’ve learned about myself but they aren’t the point of this post.  My ex was a cheater.  And the result was my life was miserable.  I wasn’t perfect, that’s not what I’m saying.  There were things that we could have worked on in counseling.  Here is the problem.  We tried counseling.  The last time we tried we weren’t living together anymore and ex was continuing to see the other woman.  We didn’t have a chance.

I’m not saying that divorce is always the answer.  Marriage is hard, you have to work at it.  I get that.  But there are also time when one person makes poor choices and continues to make poor choices.  And you reach a point where those choices can no longer be ignored, the consequences must be dealt with.  Even today ex offers no apologies for the cheating.  And I have quit expecting him to be remorseful.  I have quit asking why?  There isn’t an answer.  Or there isn’t an answer he can admit to himself and therefore to me.

It happened.  I was married to a cheater.  And I finally reached my breaking point.  I finally stood up and said “Enough.  Sign the papers.  I’m done.”  And it was.

I began to look back and answer the question of why I stayed for so long with a man who treated me so poorly.  I began finding myself, the me I liked.  I began to heal.  And I found closure.

So I understand why you say you’re sorry.  But maybe now you understand why I say I’m not.

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Losing with grace

October 20, 2008

Last night my boys lost.  They put up a good fight.  They were down 3-1 in the ALCS and forced a game 7.  We can hold our heads high.  We live in a post 2004 world.  There was no Aaron F-ing Boone moment, none of that.  We lost to the Cinderella team.  But we gave them a run for their money.  We played like defending champs.  I’m proud of my boys.  I will miss them.

Now what do I do until April?

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F-ing Steve Harvey

October 19, 2008

So last night I picked up Chinese food and schleped off to my parents house to watch the Red Sox.  Because I do not have cable, therefore I do not have TBS.  Yes, there are several of us still out here without it.  Which genius had the brilliant idea of selling playoff baseball to a cable channel?  And TBS?  I have large issues with Ted Turner.  The latest of which is showing f-ing Steve Harvey reruns when my boys are supposed to be playing.  And that rates right up there with marrying Hanoi Jane.

Alright so there was some sort of power outage in Atlanta.  So whichever genius at MLB sold the playoffs to TBS, could you not have held the game for a half hour?  I mean seriously people, I can not be the only person in the country pissed off. 

And what if my boys had lost because i was not there with encouraging words for Josh.  Or been able to build Veriteks courage enough that he hit us a home run.  Seriously, it was me telling him he could do it – just like I do at my sons baseball games – that made all the difference.  Or stroking Jonathan’s ego in the final inning.  Does MLB not realise how essential my viewship is to my boys?

Alright no screw ups tonight TBS okay.  I will be bundling up the kids again for another visit to my parents couch because as previously stated the Red Sox need me.

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Happily Ever After

October 18, 2008

It’s Friday night and I sit alone in my bed.  I just put my girls to bed and Enchanted is still playing on my TV.  Giselle is searching for her Prince, the Prince is searching for Giselle.  So they can share true loves kiss and live happily ever after. 

Happily ever after.

Do you believe it exists?  I thought I was in love once.  I walked down the aisle, promised to love my husband through good times and bad, sickness and health, richer or poorer, til death did us part.  Turns out it only took the signature of a judge to do us part.

I’m not complaining, towards the end of our 10 years things were bad.  I was miserable.  I’m lonely now but I’m happy.  We are coming up on my one year un-anniversary.  A lot has happened in a year.  My ex remarried (not even a month after the papers were signed).  Our youngest had her first birthday.  I went on vacation by myself and had amazing sex.  And I found closure.

The thing is, after all that has happened, I still believe in it.  I still believe my Prince Charming is out there.  I still believe we will find each other.  I still believe true love exists.  I still believe I will find my fairy tale.  Yes, I am a glass half full kind of girl.  Most of the time.  Seriously, I still believe in happily ever after.  Do you?