I’m sorry to hear thatOctober 23, 2008
Don’t be. I’m not. It’s for the best.
The most common reaction when I tell people I’m divorced is for people to tell me they are sorry. And my most common response is “Don’t be, it’s for the best.” And then they look at you like, how can being a single mother be for the best? How can a dissolution of marriage be for the best?
I got married almost 12 years ago. The first time ex cheated on me was 9 months into the marriage. I was flying home to see my parents. He took me to the airport, dropped me off at departures, drove around and picked up his ex-girlfriend who was flying in to visit. I didn’t find out until about a year later but I stayed.
Looking back I have asked myself so many times why I stayed. When I would wake up in the middle of the night and he was gone. I still stayed. When I knew he was having his girlfriend over while I was at work. I still stayed. When he got another woman pregnant. I still stayed.
I stayed much longer than I should have. There are reasons, excuses really, things I’ve learned about myself but they aren’t the point of this post. My ex was a cheater. And the result was my life was miserable. I wasn’t perfect, that’s not what I’m saying. There were things that we could have worked on in counseling. Here is the problem. We tried counseling. The last time we tried we weren’t living together anymore and ex was continuing to see the other woman. We didn’t have a chance.
I’m not saying that divorce is always the answer. Marriage is hard, you have to work at it. I get that. But there are also time when one person makes poor choices and continues to make poor choices. And you reach a point where those choices can no longer be ignored, the consequences must be dealt with. Even today ex offers no apologies for the cheating. And I have quit expecting him to be remorseful. I have quit asking why? There isn’t an answer. Or there isn’t an answer he can admit to himself and therefore to me.
It happened. I was married to a cheater. And I finally reached my breaking point. I finally stood up and said “Enough. Sign the papers. I’m done.” And it was.
I began to look back and answer the question of why I stayed for so long with a man who treated me so poorly. I began finding myself, the me I liked. I began to heal. And I found closure.
So I understand why you say you’re sorry. But maybe now you understand why I say I’m not.