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It gets easier

November 21, 2008

I got a phone call today from a friend who has recently cut ties with her ex. Three years after her divorce was final she was still holding out hope things would work out and he was still cheating on her.  Her ex would show up every couple of weeks, tell her how much he loved her, warm her bed and then take off. A few months ago she finally stood her ground and took back his key to her house. If only it was that easy to take back the key to her heart.

Yesterday she had a particularly bad conversation with her ex and today she was still hurting. She wanted to know how to make the pain stop.  I get this question so often.  Unfortunately there is no one size fits all fix. I can’t offer that.

What I can offer is hope.

My husband was a cheater.  What that meant was lots of lies.  It used to be when I found out the truth about something he had done the pain would wash over me, like a wave. There were times I could literally feel the wave.  At my lowest I just let the pain come and drown in it. Those are the times I couldn’t even get out of bed.  I couldn’t function at work.  Eventually the waves lessened, so that when those discoveries happened the pain would wash over me but I would struggle to the surface and keep going.

Then one day I was sitting at my desk at work and discovered a new truth behind an old lie.  I can’t even remember what I found but I remember sitting at my desk waiting for the wave of pain.  A few minutes later I opened one eye and looked around.  There hadn’t been a wave, it hadn’t come.  I won’t lie to you, the waves still come occasionally.  But for the most part I am standing on the beach, enjoying the beauty that is my life without being in the turmolt of the sea that was my life with ex.

So no matter where you are, whether you are still drowning in the pain or struggling to the surface. Don’t try to rush it because you have to go through this pain to get to the healing.  Day by day.  Just know that it gets easier.

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3 comments

  1. So true. I’ve been there also and it does get easier. It’s hard to believe when you’re in the middle of it, but it’s true.


  2. No, there is an easy solution, but unfortunately it is hard to hear. She needed to stop talking to him, or at least letting him into the house immediately after the breakup, if not after the divorce. Why wait 3 years? Those just ended up being 3 years of depression and hope that she cant get back now!


  3. Missed – Yes she should have cut him off three years ago. But then or now she would still have to go through the pain.



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