My worst nightmare

December 6, 2008

My week has been awful. I mean knock down, drag out awful.  I started crying on Wednesday and I haven’t stopped.

Now most of the time when I get a mean e-mail from ex  I just read them and ignore them or forward them along to a friend so we can laugh about how much ex lives in his own little alternate universe. But not this time. The only thing I can figure is that while I was in Boston I let my guard down. I felt safe there and forgot why I had wrapped myself in this thick skin. 

Last year my grandmother gave my son a Wii for Christmas, for most of the year he has carried it back and forth to his fathers. Then I noticed it hadn’t come home in awhile and asked son to bring it home.  He agreed but when he got home that weekend he didn’t have it. So I asked ex to make sure he brings it home. Now son tells me he isn’t bringing it home and ex says it’s sons decision. I’m sorry, did I miss the part where my son doesn’t have to obey me?

Then ex calls my grandmother and then tells me that she told him that it was son’s decision. Now I call my grandmother, explain the entire situation and my grandmother is so apologetic. She is so sorry I got hurt, she didn’t intend her words to be used as justification for the Wii to stay at ex’s home. She feels used and manipulated. She is so sorry. She doesn’t want to get involved in our mess. I can hardly blame her. She has sent son a game for his Wii for Christmas, she hopes son will bring it home so it can be played. Time will tell.

But this isn’t about the Wii. It is about ex’s constant undermining of my authority and his inability to realise this perpetuates the problems currently brewing between son and I. And this is where the crying comes in.

Son is getting harder and harder to manage. He is angry all the time. Angry at me, angry at his sisters, angry at the TV, angry at his homework. Angry. It is a constant battle to get him to do his homework, pick up after himself or be nice to his sisters.  I cannot imagine how hard his life is, being the only boy in a house full of girls. But whenever I ask him to do something he doesn’t want to do he yells, “I hate you and I want to go live with my dad.”

Now I have been told this is common. But things are getting harder and harder to deal with. He school grades are slipping. His sisters are becoming scared of him. He is making life miserable. And I am beginning to consider letting him go live with his father.

My son. My first born. My baby may not live with me anymore. The pain is almost more than I can bare.



  1. Oh honey….big BIG hugs! I’m so sorry that you are having to go through this and that your ex is such a peckerhead! It amazes me just how much these guys forget that things are so much easier on the kids and so much better for their development if there is consistancy and co-operation.

    If you need to vent or want to share feel free to shoot me an e-mail…it’s open pretty much every day….

  2. OH GOD I’m sorry. This is such a big fear of mine, so I would be crying right along with you. I would offer advice, but I’m only 2 years into my single parenting and I’m sure you’re handling it the best way possible. You should totally tap Littlemans mom for more information.

  3. I’m so sorry. Big, big hugs.

    Whatever the outcome, I hope you find peace with it.

    Best wishes.

  4. I’m a little late reading this, but I know exactly how you feel. My daughter has spoken to me in over a week and she moved out. Your circumstance is a little different, but it still the same kind of pain. I hope things work out. Keep your chin up, and know that you are doing your best.

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