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I don’t care

January 3, 2009

So a few days ago I dropped the bomb that ex and new wife are reading my blog. I just can’t even work up the energy to care. I’m not going to stop writing here. I have twice switched my blog address in the attempt to “hide” from them but apparently they still found it necessary to go looking for me. And I have connected with so many people out there I’m just tired of running.

Over Christmas my brother told me he had found the blog. He said the post about Grampy made him cry.  That really touched me to know that he had appreciated my writing. Blogging is cathartic to me. I used to journal but somehow putting it out there for “virtual strangers” to read is somehow, I’m not sure, more, something.

A few months ago ex said something about me dating and then says “I don’t care.” Later in the day he repeated again in his e-mail “I don’t care.” And later on the same day he said again, “I don’t care.” All three times unprompted by me. Every once in awhile he brings it up, just to let me know how happy he and new wife are and that he “doesn’t care.”  I have quit responding to it, what I really want to do is scream “care, don’t care, I really DON”T CARE, just leave me and my dating life alone.”

I don’t understand why he and new wife find it necessary to read my blog, look for me on facebook and who knows what else. But quite honestly I don’t care. Ex told me several months ago he was writing a blog – ask me if I even started looking for – go ahead, ask me. Umm… no… because I honestly DON”T CARE!!

So that’s it. Yes, ex and new wife are reading my blog but I am going to pretend I don’t know. It will probably always be there in the back of my mind, so I’m afraid there might be times I censor myself. But mainly I write for me and I’m going to keep writing for me.

**Oh, remember the firefighter in MY firefighter’s house who found this blog?  He’s been hurt, badly, please just keep him in your prayers. Thanks.

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5 comments

  1. Oh wow. I’m so sorry about your friend. I’ll have to go back and read those posts to figure out the exact relationship, but no matter, that really sucks.

    As for your ex and his new wife and brother finding your blog–weird. Well, maybe not your brother. But the ex and new wife? WTF? Why do they care? SD knows I have a blog, and he has made no attempts to find it.

    All these people finding your blog makes me think my blog isn’t as NEARLY as “confidential” as I think it is, but it might be because I have no one in my life that really cares that much to go searching for a blog that I might write. It’s kind of sad, but kind of good.


  2. Oh wow. I’m so sorry about your friend. I’ll have to go back and read those posts to figure out the exact relationship, but no matter, that really sucks.

    As for your ex and his new wife and brother finding your blog–weird. Well, maybe not your brother. But the ex and new wife? WTF? Why do they care? SD knows I have a blog, and he has made no attempts to find it.

    All these people finding your blog makes me think my blog isn’t as NEARLY as “confidential” as I think it is, but it might be because I have no one in my life that really cares that much to go searching for a blog that I might write. It’s kind of sad, but kind of good.


  3. Sounds like your ex and his wife have some issues. I agree with you, just keep writing and pretend they aren’t reading. That would be hard to do though.

    Saying a prayer for your friend.


  4. What an F’er, obviously he cares a little too much if he’s stalking you on the internet. Have a little laugh at the new wife’s expense. How pathetic is she. Don’t ever censor yourself. This is your place to vent, if they don’t like it, they’ll stop reading.


  5. I wonder if my ex reads my blog. It’s quite possible, since he and his GF know that I enjoy blogging… if they searched hard enough, they’d find it.

    Actually, his GF has her own blog. She knew I had the link from forever ago, so she probably nows I check it from time to time. Can’t help myself.



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