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Not a mistake

February 1, 2009

Tonight I went to dinner with a new friend.  She started talking about her childhood and I could not believe some of the things she had to deal with as a child. Growing up I led a fairly sheltered life, I just assumed every kid had two parents that loved them. Because as awkward as my parents sometimes were, I always knew they loved me.  Tonight as my friend sat across from me she recounted a childhood where her mother reminded her often she was a mistake, her mother never wanted a third child or a girl.

Ex and I had been separated almost a year when our baby was conceived. We never reconciled, he never moved back in, he was there for the birth but spent little time with her as an infant.  There are times when I kick myself for allowing the pregnancy but they don’t last long. The end result was my beautiful baby girl, with gorgeous blue eyes and the personality of an angel. She has a smile that will light up the room.

The first year of C’s life was my hardest year emotionally.  When my other children were spending the weekend with their dad C stayed home with me. I took her everywhere and everyone fell in love with her. When we were at home alone together we formed a bond that to me is immeasurable. In some of my darkest times I could look into the eyes of my baby and know there was a better life out there waiting for us. Whatever I give to her it cannot touch what she gives to me.

Yes, there are unplanned pregnancies. We didn’t intend to get pregnant. Surprise, yes. Mistake, no. How do you look into the eyes of a child and tell them they were a mistake? Her being here, her life, it isn’t a mistake. My baby or my friend.

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