Fixing the chink

February 21, 2009

We now return to our regularly scheduled programming… or writing.  I apologise for putting a password on those posts but I needed to write them. I needed to be vulnerable and I needed to make sure I wasn’t offering up those weak spots to ex.  All that being said, I have shored up the break. I have patched the chink in my armour.

I won’t say it’s good to have let him hurt me again. I will say I appreciate the opportunity to take a look at what he used to hurt me and begin to examine in myself why it hurt me.
When I was married I wasn’t allowed to have friends. I can think of only two friends I was able to hold on to through my marriage to ex. How did he do that? Through constant mental and emotional battering. I actually didn’t really believe people would want to be friends with me.
The more I think about it, I love being friends with Hunter. I love our conversations, I love spending time with him and I love his friends and spending time with them. Now I know there are arguments to be made about whether or not guys and girls can be “just friends” but even if it cannot be this way forever I am going to enjoy it now. I like being able to look at Hunter and Recruiter and talk and laugh without having to worry about the other stuff.
And I almost let him do it again. I almost let ex’s glaringly incorrect conclusions about what I’ve said ruin my friendships. I almost turned and hid in my bedroom, not answering phone calls or e-mails from my friends because of those demeaning words ringing in my ears. I almost gave him that power. Almost.
Until I remembered how far I’ve come, how much I’ve learned. The reason I wasn’t allowed to have friends was because ex didn’t have friends, couldn’t be a friend. Oh the examples I could give – but I’m going to resist the temptation. And  remember that it doesn’t matter how much he laughs at me, I have time and truth on my side.


  1. Wow, you’re ex sounds like a piece of work. I’d like to email you, and I’m gonna.

  2. I wish I had your strength. I love the word “almost” it means “I didn’t”

  3. My ex used to say I was a “mean drunk” so I should just shut my mouth and stop offending him and his friends when I was drinking. Funny, nobody ever told me this about myself until I met him. I still am paranoid every time I drink. Amazing how the effects of emotional abuse last for years.

  4. I catch myself listening to the things my ex used to say too. Don’t let it get to you. Stay strong.

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