Just a dream

April 15, 2009

One day last week I woke up with a sense of despair. I knew it was because of my dream I just couldn’t remember what had happened. Then as I was going about my morning routine I remembered why I had that sense of dread, I assured myself that it wasn’t real, that it had just been a dream. But it has continued to rattle around in my thoughts.
What was it that had me so upset? In my dream ex told me that he and new wife had separated.
I used to spend so much time focusing on the idea that their relationship would fail and eventually ex would come back to me. I used to think it wasn’t a matter of if but when and I would just wait it out. After all he had cheated on me before but had always come back to me. I even wrote letters in anticipation of the day he would come back. I’d like to think I’m passed that, I don’t want him back.
Last night in my dream state, when I learned they had separated I wasn’t happy about it, I was distraught. Without mental coaching, my gut reaction was not excitement at the idea of their marriage failing. Do you have any idea how exciting that is? It’s just another confirmation that I really, truely don’t want ex back. It’s one thing to say I believe that, it’s another to get affirmation from deep down in my subconscious.
How is the state of their marriage? Who cares? What I care about, what I focus on is me. And me is feeling pretty good.


One comment

  1. That seems like a big turning point. I’m glad that you discovered that you’re completely over him. Good for you.

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