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Over before it started?

April 20, 2009

It was Friday night and the universe seemed to be on it’s ear. Two of my friends were recently single and it was decided that we were going out to our usually Friday night haunt. It was just one of those nights where everything that could go wrong did and that continued Saturday morning. By Saturday afternoon it was decided we (my girlfriends and I) would stay in and watch a movie. At 7 we are sitting at a table having dinner at the local watering hole and the phone rings, a group was going out to our regular Saturday night haunt where one of my friends favorite bands was playing.

Suddenly our quiet Saturday night was junked in favor of a night of dancing. But in following with the entire weekend there were several problems getting there and we didn’t walk through the door until midnight. We spent the next hour dancing with more boys then I could count and when they finally slowed things down I turned down 3 offers to dance before a heard a voice from behind me lean over and ask me to dance. I turned around prepared to say no until I looked up to see a guy who was custom made “my type.”

So I slipped into his arms and we began talking. He made laugh and when the song was over we kept talking. Last call came and went and eventually they were clearing out the place. By the time I got to the car there was already a text on my phone “it was nice meeting you.” I replied with the same and he answered back with “do I get another dance?” We texted back and forth several times last week but couldn’t get together this weekend since I had my kids.

On Saturday he made it clear he’d like to see me again. But doubt was beginning to creep in. I began listing all the reasons in my mind a relationship with Yankee would never work. The truth is they aren’t really valid. The truth is I’m scared. Because what if a first date led to a second date, which led to a relationship? And what if the relationship doesn’t work and I get hurt? I won’t lie to you, that scares me. By Sunday I had convinced myself the next time he sent me a text I just wouldn’t respond.

Then I read this great post by Jenn where she lists all the reasons she isn’t dating. As I read the list I was nodding my head in agreement, saying “see I’m not ready to date either.” But there was a little voice inside me saying “chicken”. The truth is, I’m not Jenn. I’m ready. Those reasons that were valid a year ago aren’t anymore. I think the trick is knowing when they quit being reasons and start being excuses.

There was a reason I said yes when Yankee asked me to dance. There are no guarantees in life. I might get hurt again. But I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being afraid. And I don’t want this to be over before it even gets started.

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One comment

  1. I’m glad you decided to give him a try. I list my reasons because I am scared. But if the right guy came along, I hope I would be able to look past those things. It’s just been a long time for me, since I’ve been in any relationship (3 years) and sometimes what I know (being single) feels so much safer than the unknown.



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