h1

Insecurity and Vulnerability

May 21, 2009
Last night Bobby and I took the girls to an outdoor concert. He is so good with my girls and so helpful to me. He pushed the stroller. He put the girls on his shoulders. He took them to get something to eat. He got them balloon animals. And when the night was over he held me in his arms and kissed me with all the passion a girl could hope for.
 
But this morning the magic of the night is gone. The harsh realities of life stare me in the face as I get the kids ready for school and go through my morning routine.
 
Opening up to someone new has made me vulnerable again. I have spent so long concentrating on not being vulnerable, this change of course is hard. It’s bringing a lot of my insecurities to the surface.
 
Ex told me so many times that no other man would ever treat me as well as he did. Bobby has proved that wrong. Ex told me that I was ugly. Since the divorce I’ve lost four dress sizes and spend time on my personal appearance that I didn’t use to. Ex used to say people didn’t really want to be my friend. Not only do I have my best friend back, I’ve made wonderful new friends. Ex told me that no man would ever love me. He’s wrong. I know he’s wrong. But that small voice in my head can still hear the whispers.
 
Bobby does so many little things to show he cares. But instead of reveling in them, I stress about the little things he doesn’t do.
 
I know that insecurity is unattractive in a person. I know that the issues I’m having have nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. When I’m with him I try so hard to hold back the crazy me and show him the healthy me. I try hard not to overthink. I try to just relax and enjoy. I try.
 
But this morning. This morning I’m feeling vulnerable. This morning I’m scared. And this morning I needed to say that out loud.
Advertisements

2 comments

  1. I’m crying reading this. This is exactly how I’m feeling, too.


  2. I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. I’m sure I wouldn’t handle a new relationship even half as well as you are. I think it would be almost impossible not to feel some insecurity. But just remember that you’re strong and beautiful and you do deserve someone that treats you right. You’re worth it.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: