Healthy growth

June 29, 2009

I wish I could tell you I’m doing better since the break up. The truth? When Bobby called this weekend inviting me to a cookout at his friends house I went. I had a great time, enjoyed the company but spent the night “playing” his girlfriend. I settled at his side with the familiarity of an intimate relationship.

One thing I promised myself after ex was that I wouldn’t settle. As great a guy as Bobby was is, staying with him would be settling. My friends have had to put up with numerous phone calls from me this week. “Tell me I did the right thing. Tell me I need to stay away from him. Tell me he isn’t it for me.”

Sunday morning, when the harsh light of day was slapping me in the face I began chatting with my cousin. Peter is my age, single, never be married but he’s ready to be settled. He just cannot find the right girl. We were discussing the conventional wisdom and how you follow it practically. You know how people who are in a relationship tell you, “It will happen when you least expect it.” “Quit looking, love will find you.” What they never tell you is how to stop the ache of loneliness.

I am grateful for my time with Bobby. Dating him helped me expose some scars I had and healing I still had to do. Dating him helped motivate me into looking forward at my future. It was a growing experience my time with him but it’s time to cut ties, move forward alone. Why is that so much easier said than done?



  1. Part of you is better for having had the experience of dating him. I hope you are able to embrace that as you move on.

    Loneliness does suck, wish I could better help you with that stuff.

  2. Not settling is an honorable thing especially in the face of loneliness.

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