Living with loss

July 9, 2009

On Tuesday I was sitting in a restaurant in an airport when I felt the pain of the loss of my ex. Not the loss of my partner, not the loss of the kids father, not the pain of being alone. The actual pain of losing ex, the man, himself. Looking back on the moment I can see the contributing factors, it was like a perfect storm.

My eyes filled with tears. All the reasons that I loved him flooded me, in waves, I remembered the good times. They were few and far between but they existed. And instead of fighting it, I just let it come. The sensation of loss for my ex now feels so foreign to me, I barely recognised it. The pain lasted only a few moments and passed as quickly as it came on.

These days I rarely think of ex as anything other than the father of my children and most days we are adversaries. I rarely feel pain when I consider the loss of ex and I am truely grateful to be out of my marriage. But I loved and I lost and the fact that I still occasionally feel the pain of loss doesn’t make me weak. It makes me me.



  1. What a beautiful post. I don’t think I’ve allowed myself to feel pain over losing my ex. I don’t know if it’s there anymore. But I’m kind of sad that I don’t feel it…

  2. So true. I had the hardest time being able to express that mourning because everyone was so afraid I’d go back to him. I wish I’d been blogging back then.

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