Archive for August, 2009

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Back to school

August 26, 2009

I dropped out of college after my sophomore year. I was ready to get married and start a family. I was 19, what did I know?

A few months ago Bobby had to go see a lawyer about something. He came over later that afternoon, sat on my sofa and said, “this woman is kick ass. She takes no prisoners and she knows her shit.”  What he said kindled a longing in me I had long since suppressed.

That’s who I wanted to be. As a little girl growing up I wanted to be a lawyer, I was going to go to Harvard Law School, following in my grandfather’s footsteps. I always wanted people to say that very thing about me. For the next couple of weeks I kicked around what he had said in my head.

Then I started saying it out loud to friends. To my surprise they were encouraging, they believed I could do it. I could go back to college, finish my bachelors and go to law school. The more I said it out loud the more I began to believe in myself.

It was too late to be a transfer student at nearby university, so I enrolled at the local community college. I actually took a class with them the summer between my freshman and sophomore year. Since I am already on file under my maiden name, to change that I have to take the proof of my name change into the office. I did not go back to my maiden name legally but it just seems fitting to take the classes under my old name. An added bonus from fate.

I was originally supposed to take two classes but had to drop one due to circumstances beyond my control. So starting Thursday I am officially a college student again. I’m nervous and excited. In two days I will walk back into a class room and for the first time in 13 years I will be a student. Now I just have to figure out what to wear!

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The top of the ferris wheel

August 23, 2009

Every year the county fair comes to my small town. This year my father was invited to opening night and took one of my daughters, the other was sick so she and I stayed home. So Friday night I took her to the fair by herself. The first ride she wanted to go on had a sign that said “no single riders”. Not to be deterred she asks another girl standing near by if she would like to ride with her. And off they go.

Kids being kids, the girls spent most of the night together.

Did I mention that the other little girl was there with her single father? So most of my night was spent talking with this single father while the girls went through the fun house, rode on cars and buses and dragons, slid down the big slide and went round and round on the swings.

Toward the end of the night the girls stood in line for the ferris wheel, single dad turns to me and says “would you like to ride?” I said yes and he went and bought us tickets. 

county fair

We got to the top of the ferris wheel and it stopped to let other passengers on or off and I looked around. It was one of those “I’m the king of the world” moments. One of those, I am a single mom and life is great moments. From the top of the ferris wheel, looking out over my hometown, sitting beside a guy I had only just met – with our girls giggling in the car behind us.

Unfortunately at the end of the night as he was asking me for my number the girls were dragging us in opposite directions.

So internet I’m posing this question to you. I know where he works – he is the manager at a store I love and shop in frequently – only I usually shop at a different one – the one where he works is only 5 minutes from where I work. He did tell me I should stop by and take advantage of his discount. Would it be weird for me to stop by and give him my number? I have several pictures I took of the girls, I thought I would print one out and put my number on the back?

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A year later

August 22, 2009
A few weeks our little country girl returned to the scene of the crime. That’s right, I was back on the shores of Lake Champlain.
 
But this year was different. It was different because I was different.
 
Last year I arrived at the lake simply existing, surviving day to day. One our drive to the lake this incredible feeling came over me, I just knew something great was about to happen. I can still remember that moment, standing in the parlor of the main house when in walked four of the hottest guys I had ever seen in my entire life. That moment forever changed the course of this little country girl’s life, when an adorable member of the FDNY proved just how much fun life could be.
 
I left vowing to start living and enjoying life. When I got home I started blogging here, chronicling all the things I was doing to starting living life. It has been a good year – no, a fantastic year, a fun year.
 
This year when I arrived at the lake I sat in the parlor of the main house pondering the events of this last year of my life. And even with all that fun I still find myself searching for something. Direction. I realised the next step in my journey was to begin making goals for myself. I have spent a lot of time avoiding thoughts of the future… because… well, honestly… there is no man in my life and thoughts of a future alone were just too hard to face.
 
It was my relationship with Bobby that finally got me thinking about my future. It’s time to start making plans for the future of me and my kids, not just wait around for a man to fix things.
 
Last night someone said to me “I didn’t even recognise you.” It’s really no wonder, there have been large physical changes. But the biggest changes have been on the inside. As time has healed my pride, my self esteem, my heart, I have seen the return of my smile, my laugh, me.
So another year, another new chapter. I’ve got some exciting things coming this fall and so much to share about my summer. Come back soon…