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forgets sometimes and looks back…

October 26, 2009

I care about him. As much as he has hurt me, as many times as we have tried walking away from each other, as much as I know he cannot be my future. I still cannot seem to say goodbye.

We were sitting on bar stools, side by side. Circumstances had drawn us together at a smokey little home town bar. Whispering and laughing, we sat with our heads together. And then he kissed me. Those old feelings, as much as I have tried to fight them, are not gone. I stood and walked toward the door, not looking back as he called. I couldn’t, walking away from him was already too hard.

I was lying in bed when I heard the familiar sound of his truck in my driveway just an hour later. I met him at the door but didn’t have the strenth to send him away. It feels right, to have him there, in my home, in my kitchen.

He opened my frig to find a beer that wasn’t his brand. It wasn’t his business whose it was but still he asked. There have been other guys, who have pressed their lips to mine but there hasn’t been another in my bed, in my heart.

He was sorry for the way he treated me, for the things he had done, I deserve much better. I listened to the words I had longed to hear. I didn’t respond, there was no response I could give. “Can we try again? Can we start dating again?” Again I kept silent. It was everything my heart wanted and nothing my head would let me take. “Bobby…” He knew the answer, knew tonight would be all I could give and he kissed me.

In the morning, when he was gone, I cried. This man that holds my heart does not hold my future. I have come so far, I cannot go back but sometimes I forget and look back, just for a moment.

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2 comments

  1. {{{hugs}}}


  2. I have read this a few times now elizabeth. it is an exceptional piece that speaks to us all. I feel your pain because i know your pain.

    the head can fool the heart and fool it well….just not for long.

    be happy, be strong



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