Homewrecker to stepmother

January 16, 2010

My ex was a cheater. There were numerous women. Some I knew about, many I didn’t. But this isn’t about the plethora of women, it’s about one woman. The last one.

I found out about her in August 2005. I heard a phone message she had left for him. When I dialed the number she answered “Hey baby.” My shocked response, “This isn’t baby, this is baby’s wife.” She hung up. Giving her the benefit of the doubt I called back and left her a voicemail, letting her know that despite what he was telling her, he was married, living with me, we shared children and she was not the first.

And then I threw him out.

He begged me to go to counseling. He begged me to take him back. He begged my forgiveness. He promised me the world. But he never stuck to it. I found out he was still seeing her. I called her again, this time the message was hard, dark. I named her behavior, a woman who chose to sleep with a married man. I called it what it was. I got down in the mud and slung it. What I found was there was no satisfaction there, and I determined that no matter what happened I would no longer lower myself to their level.

Still for two years we lived in limbo, not together but not divorced. Until one day a piece of paper arrived in the mail. There in black and white was the evidence that could no longer be denied. My marriage was over.

It took several more months for the paperwork to be complete but our divorce was final in November 2007.

They were married in December 2007. The homewrecker became my children’s stepmother. It was devastating. I was crushed. I was barely surviving, barely getting out of bed. Until it began to get easier.

Six months later I sat on the shores of Lake Champlain and took stock of my life. For the first time in a long time, I was happy, I was enjoying life. I woke up in the morning and got out of bed, not because I had to but because I wanted to.

Earlier this week I was reflecting on how far I’ve come. The ups and downs. Happiness and disappointment. And I wouldn’t have missed a moment of it for anything.

Gratitude washed over me. Others may call her a homewrecker, she was, that is the truth she has to live with. But I see her as my kids step mother, a woman who takes good care of them when they are not with me. I see her as the woman who gave me my life back. The good and the bad. The joys and the pains. I can smile. I can dance. I’m alive again. I am healthy again. I am grateful.


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